I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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