It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
