I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
