i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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