he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
