I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
