On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You need a sexual gate keeper
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
