Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
