Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
