We're like a lot better than the average bears
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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