my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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