you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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