i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I need a beard to bite.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
