Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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