i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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