I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
