Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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