dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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