chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
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My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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