I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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