phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize