Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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