before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I don't deserve a penis
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
