The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
