i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
