What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
