I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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