TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
