i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
