We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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