You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
