im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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