apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
