Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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