He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
