ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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