found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
