I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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