She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
