Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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