You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
