He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
