seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
