Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
