Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
