Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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