ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
as a side note pls kill me
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
