you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
