that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
