I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
