I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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