Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
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I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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