So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
