We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
