Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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