i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
