So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
